No Boobs Necessary.

I know I've talked about this before, but I have to gush about it a bit more. It's damn exciting to have a major international Art museum opening up down the street from your house! I'm not ashamed to admit that I go the city's website to peek in on live webcam footage at least once a week.

After several years of delays, The Centre Pompidou-Metz is set to open in less than two weeks.

These hilarious posters have been popping up around town within the last week. There's also an Andy Warhol version. Translation: "I'm moving to Metz."

My question: Is there not ONE female artist that could have been used in the marketing campaign? These specific artists were chosen because their faces and/or public personas are just as recognisable as their actual artworks.

What woman artist do you think the general public would easily recognise?

Black Wednesday: The Rise of The Crumb-Snatchers.

I don’t leave my house on Wednesday.

My friend Mr. Taylor once called Wednesday “children’s day”. I on the other hand prefer to refer to it as Black Wednesday. Those of you who live outside France probably don’t know this, but in France there is no school on Wednesday. This means that every Wednesday all public places in France become jungle gyms. There are children frickin’ everywhere. How many children? Need I remind you that France is one of the only countries in Europe that is actually experiencing population growth?

The reasoning behind the no school on Wednesday business is that this is the one day that children do extra-curricular activities such as sports or music. And by sports I mean head butting people and objects, and by music I mean the sound of them screaming in restaurants and shopping centers. If you want to see the French “Just Good Enough” parenting philosophy in action, Wednesday is the perfect day for it.

Below you will find my personal top 3 list of places in France that should absolutely be avoided like the plague on Wednesdays and why:

1. Doctor’s Offices- Mommy + 3 children under the age of 5, all 4 have been waiting 3 hours to see the doctor, all 4 have runny noses and a slight fever. If you weren’t sick when your ass entered that waiting room, you sure the hell will be by the time you leave.

2. Museums- I am convinced that all of France’s major museums double their security on Wednesdays to insure that some priceless national treasure doesn’t meet its demise at the hands of a rambunctious 7 year old. (p.s. Your snack from the cafe has been laced with Ritalin for insurance purposes. Enjoy!)

3. The Grocery Store- By all means feel free to shop on Wednesday if you enjoy a full-on obstacle course of 5 year olds having temper tantrums on the filthy floor. Oh, beware of that slippery spot in aisle 4 where Johnny lauched a jar of pickles at Mommy's head like a frickin' vinegar grenade. Stuff you should bring with you on your adventure: recyclable shopping bags, sensible shoes and or combat attire, earplugs or ipod for mental/ear protection, and a copy of War and Peace for the 45 minute wait at the check-out counter. Good luck with that.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually really like kids. Just not other peoples’ bad ass kids. Also, I am sick of getting hip-checked by some breeder's SUV sized baby stroller. Riddle me this: How the hell does an infant need a hummer? All you moms out there reading this- Please forgive my ignorance and learn me something. What the hell do you keep in those “diaper bags” that are twice the size of a Samsonite weekender? Just admit it: That's where you hide the wet-bar right?

Photo courtesy of Enfant Terrible kids clothing which makes the cutest kid t-shirts ever. No hipster off-spring should be without one! Buy one for your crumb-snatcher now.