Don't be watchin' skeery movies!

I LOVE scary movies. I mean I LOVE them! Not the stupid axe murderer, slasher, blood and gore flicks, but true, honest to God thrillers that make you freak out a little bit inside. You know, the kind of movies that make you think: "Damn, that could really happen." Of course I believe that all creepy and supernatural things are possible so I enjoy anything involving psychics, ghosts, demons, parapsychology, religious history, the occult, and anything else that involves people coming back from the dead to kick your ass.


I have spent the better part of my adult life in a constant search for the film that will scare me so bad that I won't be able to get to sleep at night, or even better the type of film that will inspire a nightmare so vivid or horrific that I wake up in a cold sweat screaming like a crackhead banshee.

To date it has never happened...well not quite.

But last night I watched a clumsy little incoherent "thriller" called White Noise. The plot: When the unexpected happens, architect Jonathan Rivers (Michael Keaton) becomes a grieving widower, but a paranormal expert approaches Jonathan with the unlikely: the ability to hear his wife from beyond the grave.

Through a form of unusual communication known as EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon), Jonathan is finally able to see his wife, but in doing so, he draws himself into a much more complex situation when his curiosity becomes an obsession. His obsession leads him to confront those not of this world, who don't approve of Jonathan's interference with their destructive nature.


But this is not a movie review. This is a review of what happened after I watched the movie.

So anyway, I watched the film and went to bed. As I was drifting off into a not so restful sleep---I heard something. Or at least I thought I heard something, but whatever it was just stopped. But then, a few seconds later I heard it again! Alone in the dark, I heard something that sounded like a freaky little voice talking or screaming. "Did I hear dead people?" you ask.

Uhm, not quite.

As it turns out, my stomach was growling in these high-pitched squeaky noises that were so loud that they actually woke me up as I was falling to sleep. I know---totally anti-climactic.

Moral of this story: No Michael Keaton movies before bed!