Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Striiiiiiiike! And I don't mean baseball.

Starting last week, nationwide strikes disrupted all forms of public transportation, as thousands of protesters went out into the streets across France to protest a new labor law. Ok, now that we have the over simplified summary under our belts, lets separate strike fact from strike fiction:

FICTION #1: Transport workers were the first to strike, followed by teachers, and postal workers.

FACT: The damn Postal workers were never really working anyway. Please feel free to proceed to your local French post office for excessively long lines and shitty customer service as usual.

FICTION #2: Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy, who is also seeking to be the conservative camp's presidential candidate, wants Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin's head on a platter.

FACT: Sarkozy wants Villepin's head on a platter because he is keenly aware that Villepin would whoop his ass in a Zoolander-style runway model competition.....I mean Presidential Election.

Don't you dare tell me you can't see the resemblance.

FICTION #3: 700,000 people joined protest marches in Paris alone. Some of the marchers in Paris skirmished with each other, and several dozen youths tried to break into a lingerie store.

FACT: Incorrect. These were two completely unrelated incidents. The protests just happened to take place in the proximity of a lingerie shop that was running a one-day-only sale on "strings".

FICTION #4: Demonstrators threw stones, traffic cones and other projectiles at riot police.

FACT: Yes, demonstrators threw rocks and other crap, but also several people were beaten & then sodomized with stale baguettes left-over from this morning's "petit-dejeuner".

FICTION #5: Students and labor unions say the law will erode France's cherished workplace protections because it would let companies fire employees younger than 26 without reason in the first two years on the job. Villepin says the greater flexibility will encourage companies to hire young workers. But protesters in Paris said they wanted to defend the status quo. "We are here for our children. We are very worried about what will happen to them," said Philippe Decrulle, an Air France flight attendant. "My son is 23, and he has no job. That is normal in France."

FACT: Look Mr. French-Whiney-Pants, maybe your idiot kid could get a damn job if he put some fucking effort into changing his dirty-jeans-wearin', 2-packs-a-day-of-Gauloise-cigarette-smokin', no-shower-takin', sittin'-in-a-cafe-all-day-long, fucking-lazy-and-entitled attitude. And while you're at it, tell him to cut off those nappy as hell, dirty-ass blonde dreadlocks.

FICTION #6: Even with huge marches under way, Villepin held firm. But he told parliament that he was open to talks on employment and possible changes to the law, but did not say that he would withdraw it.

FACT: No way in hell will Villepan miss his weekly hair and manicure/pedicure appointment to go talk with a bunch of dirty-ass protesters.

Fiction #7: As the protests grow more violent and forceful, they threaten Villepan's chances of running for the presidency next year.

FACT: Villepan ain't even worried. He's already lined up a very lucrative modeling contract with Elite Models in Toronto in the event that his presidential aspirations don't quite pan out.

FICTION: The strike also shut down the Eiffel Tower, according to employees at the Paris landmark.
FACT: Blame the closure on the strike if you must, but everyone knows that the Eiffel Tower was actually closed because a large tour group of fat-ass Americans broke all the damn elevators.

So, there ya have it.

Sometimes the truth hurts.


Jul said...

Seriously, I love Switzerland more and more each day. Nice, orderly, predictable Switzerland....

Cree A. said...

Funny stuff!

Clementine Gallot said...

aow. you're tough!