Thursday, November 12, 2009

Public Service Announcement From Your Sponsor:

While I’m sitting here drinking my morning tea I would just like to take the opportunity to make a public service announcement:


I am not pregnant.


Ever since I made that damn post about quiting smoking, certain members of my entourage have been taking sideways glances at my midsection. People, I’m not knocked-up, I’m just fat….which is why I have also cut back on the drinkin’. Cuz as much as I love the booz, I’d still I’d rather eat my calories. It's a hard choice, but in the war of cakes vs. cocktails, cakes usually wins.

Please understand my sudden lifestyle changes have nothing to do with allowing a miniature human to reside in my uterus for the good part of a year. My reasons for giving up a few of my vices are shallow as a kiddie pool.


I wanna buy new fancy clothes and most designers only make fancy garments up to a size 10.
And Valentino sho'nuf don't make maternity wear so.....whatever to that.


Evolutionary Revolutionary said...

Dude! Size TEN? I'm a pretty skinny bitch and even I sometimes roll into a 12! It's some shit I tell ya! Some shit!

'Drea said...

Yeah, I think cake definitely trumps cocktails.

Speaking of babies and smoke, one of my former colleagues couldn't stop smoking even when she was pregnant and, apparently, the doctor said that it was less stressful on the baby for her to continue smoking and it was definitely less stress for me...

Cherise said...

Wishful thinking on our part.

That fancy garment does look great though.

Megan said...

I want that t-shirt "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat."

Rissa said...

I won't even much lie, I was wondering about all of that. lol But I love this post. The way you worded everything was so funny, I could seriously imagine your tone and everything.

Team Jacob said...

I am trying to figure out the top..I thought it was sleeves tied in front.

I need to seriously lose some weight..I do well with my eating for 3-4 days and then fall off the much that I am in a ditch and the horse ran away.

tonton_flaneur said...

I read your blog at work and all I can say is "Woman you CRACK ME UP!!!!"..I often wonder how all those Frenchies deal with you..or do you save all your pent up humor for the blog!!!

"It's a hard choice, but in the war of cakes vs. cocktails, cakes usually wins."

Shanster said...

The last time I was in a size 10 was ONE day in 1990. That was it. One glorious size 10 day.

Seyi said...

I hear you. I'm shallow too, the only reason I care about weight is because of designers. (sigh) A size 10 and below takes work. I'm trying to drop a few sizes myself.

Abritta Sülzbach-Bjorklund said...

will there every be a so-called child???

Madame K said...

*painting "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat."* on a t-shirt.*

Team Jacob- The key is just getting back on the wagon after EVERY time you screw up.

Tonton_flaneur- I'm not sure, but I think most French people find me incredibly amusing---but slightly scary.

Shanster- When I Lived in Brooklyn I was a size 8. I keep the skirts in the back of my armour just to remind myself that once my ass WAS indeed that small.

Abritta- *deep sigh* Must first find so-called live-in Nanny.

sprite said...

kids are a lot of work (and mess!) plan this carefully...
i love mine to bits but look forward to the day when they are grown up and fly the nest.