Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Top 10 Ways You Know You've Gone Froggy.


Now that I'm back in France, and I've conquered my jetlag, I've had some time to reflect on more than a few things. Being in the states--specifically--in Brooklyn for such an extended stay has made me realize something.

I've become terribly French.

Nothing like a trip back to the US to make you understand just how much your sensibilities and ways of thinking have changed. There's really no fighting it:  I am a complete AmeriAngloFranco Hybrid Freakshow.  The Proof?


Top 10 Ways I Know I've Gone Froggy.

1.  I very strongly believe that lunch should take at least 1.5 hours. There should be a law.  Seriously.

2. If you invite me to your house and within the first 10 minutes you haven't offered me a a drink, preferably a glass of wine, I will likely write you off as a heathen.

3.  During casual social gatherings in the US I have to constantly remind myself to just say "hello", but DO NOT lean in for a kiss unless I want to get some very confused and slightly horrified reactions.

4.  (And speaking of  casual) I'm terribly over-dressed for almost every occasion.

5.  If you add up the price of the 300 bottles of perfume and over-priced facial moisturizers in my bathroom closet, the resulting number would FAR exceed what I paid for my first car.

6.  I only smile when absolutely necessary.  It prevents wrinkles.  I do however enjoy a trip to the tanning salon where I pay good money to be baked until slightly crispy and I have reached a bronze color that I refer to as "Will Smith".

7. I iron all of my clothes, including my socks and undergarments...and resent those who do not.

8.  If I'm at a restaurant and the waiter brings be my check before I ask for it, I subtract 2.5% from said waiter's tip.  Mean...but true. (Please refer back to item #1 on this list.)

9.  If I don't have coffee after every meal I become intolerably grumpy. I'll even drink that swill that Starbucks calls coffee if necessary.  Just gimme the f*cking coffee!

And last but not least, on the list of ways I know I've gone froggy....

10.  I find very politically incorrect and/or inappropriate sexual jokes totally acceptable as polite dinner conversation. Don't believe me?  Invite me over for dinner sometime and I'll tell you the one about the really tall lady and the midget.

14 comments:

Portlandier said...

My biggest pet peeve is when my dishes are cleared before everyone at my table is finished (if we aren't having coffee or dessert) and the check hasn't even been brought over yet. I will literally put my hand on the plate and say "I'm not finished yet- thanks!").

maatsista said...

I want to become more froggy. Thanks for the tips!

Wendy said...

Pure comedy! Love it.

Indigene Theresa said...

Oh, so that's why I feel so weird in the U.S. I'm definitely an Anglo/Franco Woman...lol! I'm just considered eccentric in the States. You're living the life, didn't you know?! :)

Cherise said...

#1-3, and 8 - OMG YES!!!

on the kiss, lots of friends here do the kiss thing. My problem is I tend to do the two or three (Swiss) kiss thing, which no one does, even the French here (probably because they've trained themselves not to). Has ended up in rather awkward social situations.

Sarah said...

Like it! Except the ironing. If you want to come and do mine though...

Rhona said...

Yikes! You are totally froggied! And, this is coming from a Canadian. This list gave me a good chuckle.

uncagedbirds said...

When you get finished with Sarah's ironing.... ;-)

uncagedbirds said...

When you get finished with Sarah's ironing.... ;-)

lisa said...

I have been back in the US for 3 yrs now and I still have my 'habits'. :)

BebeJardin said...

Just caught up on your blog after a year off the grid and yay! You're still as amazing as ever :) I caught myself ironing my um... pillowcases last weekend. And then my duvet cover. And sheets.

Geez... and I used to make fun of the Frenchies.

Dominique Nicole said...

This tickled my fancy. Really funny! I hope to be froggy one day too!

Flavours of France said...

Hahahaha this is amazing and so true!

11) When I can't seem to say a sentence without using "baaah" or other pointless sounds

Patricia Baret said...

Oh dear, this is all so true. I haven't been in France as long as you have yet, but I've definitely noticed all of these French habits.

I wonder how French I'll end up becoming? After two years I'm still find the kissing non-relatives a bit uncomfortable.

Patricia
http://thediyfrenchie.blogspot.fr/