Less Talk. More Art: A Sneak Peek from my Studio.

 "The Guardians" are watching!

Hot Frogs

I’m writing this post from inside my refrigerator.

(Or at least I wish I was.)

This has become necessary because, at the moment, France is experiencing its first heat wave in almost 10 years.

The whole country is on red alert as if the sun is a fucking terrorist.

There are hourly messages on the TV warning the entire nation of the dangers of dehydration. In this message there is always an image of a person drinking a bottle of water, as if we need instruction on how to do it properly.

"Now just hold the bottle to your lips, open your mouth a little bit, and tilt your head back.
Yeah, that's it!  Good job!"

Every evening on the news there’s a report that includes at least two of the following elements:

- A shot of some really sweaty bastard walking down the street.

- An 120 year old lady being re-hydrated at the hospital emergency room

-  An incredibly bored French doctor, in a white lab coat, calmly explaining how most people are too dumb to realize they need to drink water.

The frenzy over the heat has reached the stage where the police have been ordered to go door-to-door checking on elderly folks and making them ingest copious amounts of fluids, by force if necessary, to make sure they don't stroke out. 

I am not sure about the logistics or legality of this, but it’s happening none the less.

Not really.  

"Drink this creepy green liquid Granny.  Drink it now!"

Meanwhile, the streets in my neighborhood are so quiet, it feels like the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. My entire block looks like the set of a spaghetti Western film---complete with tumble weeds. I expect Clint Eastwood to arrive on horse-back any minute now.

For all of these reasons, and the fact that nearly 15,000 people died from heat related deaths during the last heat wave, I think the entire country needs to go over to the dark-side and just effing give in to the concept of air conditioning. 

No? No good?  Global warming? Fine. No A/C.

Somebody come up with a better solution and fast.

Until then, I’ll be here waiting, sweating, and sippin’ this here glass of luke warm Perrier.

 

p.s. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can remain cordial with my next door neighbor after having accidentally witnessed him watching TV in his underwear through the window in his living room, please do send advice. 

Because although I’m generally a rather “C’est la vie” kinda girl, it’s hard to look someone in the eye once you’ve seen the glory of their enormous, hairy man-boobs.

Buh-Bye Now. Y'all Take Care.

And The Oscar Goes To......

Are you effin' kidding me?

Seriously?

When I heard on the morning news that Jean Dujardin won an Oscar, I immediately had the following two thoughts in rapid fire succession:

1.  Oh snap! Someone must have slipped a some wacky drugs into my last batch of Nespresso capsules and I am now having a crazy, laced coffee-induced hallucination.

2.  Holy F*ck. I've had a mild stroke in the area of my brain that controls language because I could swear the TV lady said "Brice de Nice" won an Oscar.

As it turns out, I was neither drugged or stroking out.

Like George Clooney, I spent the next 24 hours in a bitter, hazy cloud of shock, disbelief, and disgust.  And then it dawned on me: Of course the Academy loves him. They don't have to suffer through his crappy french TV show and they've clearly never seen any of his other work.

I dare you to make it to the 5 minute mark without thinking to yourself: 

"This dude won a frickin' Oscar?  For realsies?"

End rant.

Let's fast forward to the part where I give you my 2013 Oscar picks.

My pick for Best Actor in a Leading Role:

Boooyah!

 

Top 10 Ways You Know You've Gone Froggy.

Now that I'm back in France, and I've conquered my jetlag, I've had some time to reflect on more than a few things. Being in the states--specifically--in Brooklyn for such an extended stay has made me realize something.

I've become terribly French.

Nothing like a trip back to the US to make you understand just how much your sensibilities and ways of thinking have changed. There's really no fighting it:  I am a complete AmeriAngloFranco Hybrid Freakshow.  The Proof?

Top 10 Ways I Know I've Gone Froggy.

1.  I very strongly believe that lunch should take at least 1.5 hours. There should be a law.  Seriously.

2. If you invite me to your house and within the first 10 minutes you haven't offered me a a drink, preferably a glass of wine, I will likely write you off as a heathen.

3.  During casual social gatherings in the US I have to constantly remind myself to just say "hello", but DO NOT lean in for a kiss unless I want to get some very confused and slightly horrified reactions.

4.  (And speaking of  casual) I'm terribly over-dressed for almost every occasion.

5.  If you add up the price of the 300 bottles of perfume and over-priced facial moisturizers in my bathroom closet, the resulting number would FAR exceed what I paid for my first car.

6.  I only smile when absolutely necessary.  It prevents wrinkles.  I do however enjoy a trip to the tanning salon where I pay good money to be baked until slightly crispy and I have reached a bronze color that I refer to as "Will Smith".

7. I iron all of my clothes, including my socks and undergarments...and resent those who do not.

8.  If I'm at a restaurant and the waiter brings be my check before I ask for it, I subtract 2.5% from said waiter's tip.  Mean...but true. (Please refer back to item #1 on this list.)

9.  If I don't have coffee after every meal I become intolerably grumpy. I'll even drink that swill that Starbucks calls coffee if necessary.  Just gimme the f*cking coffee!

And last but not least, on the list of ways I know I've gone froggy....

10.  I find very politically incorrect and/or inappropriate sexual jokes totally acceptable as polite dinner conversation. Don't believe me?  Invite me over for dinner sometime and I'll tell you the one about the really tall lady and the midget.

Anybody in the Washington DC Area?

6x6 is barely finished and I'm already prepping for the next leg on my 20111 exhibition tour.

Next stop:  Washington D.C.!

I haven't been to Washington DC in over a decade and this is my first solo exhibition there so obviously I'm thrilled!  Also, I'm so sick of NYC right now that every time I see a bearded Brooklyn hipster in orange skinny jeans I have to close my eyes and count quietly from 1 to 50 in order to keep from throwing myself onto the F train tracks just so the pain will stop.  Oh the glorious glorious pretentious PAIN!

Anyway, if you're in the DC area.  Come meet me in 3D.  One rule:  Don't be creepy.

The deets:

As part of the FOTOWEEK DC 2011 FESTIVAL you are cordially invited to the opening reception for

(Re)calling and (Re)telling

An exhibition of work by Kesha Bruce.

November 5–November 12, 2011.

Artist Talk and Opening Reception:
Saturday November 5th, 2011.
2 - 5 PM.

(Re)calling and (Re)telling uses maps, 

drawings, found documents, and family

photographs to create new, hybrid

narratives that address aspects of

African-American history and

experience through memory

and storytelling.

Morton Fine Art
1781 Florida Avenue Northwest
Washington, DC 20009-2647
(202) 628-2787
www.mortonfineart.com

This is my LAST exhibition for 2011 and my last stop before heading back to Frog-land.

Be there or be square.

Werd.

Wheelin' and Dealin'!

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much here about my New York City adventures.  The past few weeks have been the most fun and drunken challenging period of time I've experienced in a recent memory.

I've been busy every day at the gallery selling art and busy every evening drinking rhum cocktails at tiki bars on the lower east side doing follow-up and marketing work.

At least 3 nights a week you can find me at the local bar slamming over-priced cocktails and playing drinking games a non-profit art space attending a workshop or networking event. Meeting new people and getting drunk with them discussing art with them is pretty much my life's core focus at the moment.

My party work schedule is so tight that I can barely keep up.

So forgive me if I seem hung-over or perhaps still drunk a bit frazzled or distracted.

God Bless Art and God Bless Tequila America.

Meet Me in NYC.

Part of the reason I've been so AWOL from blogging is that instead of having fancy lunches and taking photos of all the glorious French food I've been eating, I've been planning this 6 week art event.  The whole project only lasts 6 weeks, but it took my business partner and I the better part of a YEAR to plan, organize, and fundraise for this baby.

And now that I'm in NYC, of course, every day of the week is moving at absolute lightspeed x 10.  I have appointments and places to be, I forget to eat meals, and half the time I don't know what day of the week it is.

Good Stuff!

I'm an experience and intensity junkie, so this is my sweet- spot.  Sure I miss France, but I've barely had time to think about it.

Art has officially taken over my life, but that doesn't mean we can't still be friends!

How many of you live in the NYC area?  I'd LOVE to meet y'all.  Why don't you find a way to make it to our next gallery opening?  It's not every day that I make it to NYC, or to the US for that matter. Plus my gallery throws the best openings in town.

A few sexy pics from the opening of Please Standy By: new work by artists Stacia Yeapanis and Readymade777.

Click here to see the full Flickr photo set.

 
Couldn’t make it to last week’s opening?  No Problem!  Come to the next one:

Violently Happy: New work by Jacqueline Norheim and Cara Lynn Kleid.
October  6 -12, 2011

Opening Reception: Thursday October 6th,  from 6-8 PM.

Baang and Burne Contemporary Art
547 W 27th Street suite 309 (3rd floor)
Btwn 10th & 11th Ave.
New York City

Be there or be square.

Seriously.  All the cool kids are doing it.

I Love New York!

For those of you who haven't been keeping up on my other blog.  I'm in New York for the next 2 months for my big fat art project.

It's incredibly bizarre to be back in Brooklyn---especially today.  It's been 10 years since I left New York for France.  What to say? 

Maybe just a photo.

The view from my first apartment in Brooklyn.

 

My Big Fat French Life.

So many thing, So many thing So many things!

There’s so much stuff going down in my so-called ‘hood these days that I barely know where to start. Screw it, I’ll just start with the things I’m most excited about:

1. I gotz de flowers! After 2 years of awful summers, I’ve actually managed to get a little rooftop garden growing at the Barbie Dream House.

It is truly awesome! Special thanks to French Mother-in-law and French Father-in-law…who basically did all the work while I stood around and grimaced and moaned.

2. I have new artwork! I’m in the middle of working on a new series called “The Coronation” for my September exhibition in NYC. (more on that in a minute. Just hold your horses.) Wanna hear me talk about it? Take a look at my promo video in which I am wearing my super-fly pink star earrings.

3. And last but not least—the thing that’s totally taken over my life: For the last 8 months I’ve been planning and organizing an incredible art event that kicks off September 8th in New York City. It’s called “6x6” (pronounced six by six) and it is going to be totally RIGHTEOUS.

Basically 6x6 is the art version of a music festival with six back-to-back exhibitions sandwiched between a whole slew of events aimed at bringing artists and art lovers together in a totally “no art snobs allowed” way.

Long story short, I met artist Charlie Grosso in 2009 when we were in an exhibition together. Eventhough she lived in Los Angeles at the time, we stayed in contact….and voila---a year later we had formed Baang and Burne Contemporary Art. A kind of freestyle curatorial gallery project that stages short term exhibitions in New York City.

At the moment we are in FULL-ON fund-raising mode to pull off this event. We have 20-something days left in our fund-raising campaign over at kickstarter.

If you really love me, you should go over there and become an official backer. 

It’s pretty easy and takes about 2 minutes. We’ve raised $6400 so far. But I just need a little push to cross the finish line. Please watch the video if you want to see me hopped up on 3 double espressos:

If you can back my project for $10 that would be great, but if you’re willing to back me for $25 or more you can score some really cool rewards! The $200 reward is actually one of my limited edition, hand-pulled lino-cut prints from the coronation series. (That's about half the regular gallery price.) Click here to become an Art Hero: http://kck.st/lb7d0L

So that about brings us up to date I think.

Oh wait, also, I lost 25 lbs. But that’s a story for another post.

Wicked.

-Your beloved, Madame K.

A Blast From The Past: Why I Heart France: Reason # 5

The French mother-in-law is a much maligned creature. Much like her American counterpart, La Belle Mere (literally translated: "Pretty Mother") is often accused of being overbearing, demanding, and have been known to coddle their sons to the point of co-dependency. More than a few of my friends have told me their Belle Mere horror stories, so it appears I have hit the French Mother-in-law jackpot.

Today my own French Mother-in-law stopped by for coffee on her way home from her weekly "soin de visage" (Fancy french facial treatment). Not only did she fold the mountain of laundry that was piled on our bed, she took all the wrinkled items home with her to iron. She then proceeded to dry & put away all the dishes I had just finished washing. Oh and did I mention that she just happened to bring along a hot baguette from the best boulagere in town and a fresh green bean salad topped with her nearly legendary sweet vinaigrette?

...And some people ask me if I'll ever move back to the states. Well let me tell you now, that living under these conditions makes it highly unlikely.

What can I say? I married well.

Why I Heart France Reason #20: Pimps.

If you ever happen to be at the Novotel hotel in Metz, be sure to stop by "Le Bar" and order a "Pimp in Soho".

Extra credit points if you do it with a straight face.

I bet you can't do it.

Why I Heart France Reason #19: Fungus.

At the request of blog commenter 'Tired of Snow', Saturday night Frenchboy and I managed to get a table at one of the cities best restaurants, Au Pampre d'Or, without a reservation.

It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.

It's true, Au Pampre d'Or happily lost it's Michelin star recently, but after ordering and being absolutely charmed by the 5 course Truffle Menu I have no effin' idea why.

Now, before we get to the food porn, can I just say how much I adore the French for their love of mold and fungus? Before moving to France, I had only heard of chocolate truffles (although I don't think I'd ever eaten one of those either). So naturally I am absolutely fascinated by the idea of eating a spore that costs nearly €2,000 for a kilo.

Last night we must have eaten at least 50 grams of truffles and I won't lie to you:

It was Divine.

An Amuse-Bouche fit for Royalty.

I love when they bring your food under a cloche. (What do we call that in English?)
The French do have a flair for the dramatic---even in their food.

I wish had stolen a copy of the menu because describing this first dish as
"scrambled egg soup with truffles" doesn't really do it justice.
It was amaaaazing.

Pigeon with truffles!

How is it that I've lived in France for 7 years now yet I had no idea that you're supposed to eat your Munster with light sprinkling of cumin? Seriously? I'm just finding out about this heavenly combination now?

I love when they bring you two platters filled with
what can only be describes as"pre-desserts".

The cutest mini pistachio muffin on earth.

Insane chocolate soufflé that what so perfectly light and fluffy that I felt like I was eating chocolate and mandarin flavored air.

And a bit of Meringue for good measure.

Take that André Michelin!